Restore Your Manhood !

When you get to the age of the elder of the zoo keepers the issue of loss of and restoration of manhood may become pretty acute. Hence the sales of Viagra, Cialis, male enhancements and penile implants.

The Hummer has now simplified all this confusion in its new tv ads. In one, a young man checking out at a grocery store is apparently humiliated because he is buying tofu while the guy behind him is buying beer, ribs and charcoal. The solution to this anxiety ? Of, course ! Buy a Hummer ! The final scene has the caption "Restore Your Manhood" is large letters.

Of course, the perfect solution starting at about $58,000.00 !

Vistas immediately appear for repairs to other modern failings. Fear an intellectual shortcoming ? Surely the immediate purchase of the Complete Works of William Shakespeare (in Library Binding, $2250.00) will shore up that crumbling confidence .

By simply ordering the complete Inflight Liberator Multi-Gym 6070 ($4399.00) you'll start shaping up that sagging physique. When this 1150 pound beauty is set up in your bedroom you'll be well on the road to fitness and when its been gathering dust for a month you should be a near perfect physical specimen.

Spiritual concerns musn't be overlooked, so if you're groping for moral guidance in a complex world, when currents of good and evil seem to swirl and mix, the mere presence of the 1659 printing of the King James Bible in Full Calf binding (less than $16,000.00, serious inquiries only, please) on your book shelf (the Zoo recommends a prominent display commensurate with its value and your piety) will guarantee salvation, earthly serenity and eternal bliss.

Have we missed something ? Focus on the problem, think money and

Stay Naked
jd